Dear Mum: “It felt like you were sharing the experience with me”

Check upcoming open days and book your place

Dear Mum,

About a year ago, it was around the time for me to finally attend some open days and start making my mind up about universities. To be quite honest, you were the one who (annoyingly) booked my first university open day without my knowledge (it pretty much seemed like you were more excited than me). You chose King’s, claiming that it was perfect as “it was in London, had a great reputation and had great courses”. Much to your disappointment, I wasn’t really bothered about looking at unis at that moment in time. I was nervous, and feared “the growing up stage” was approaching far too quickly.

Despite this, sitting down and talking to you about university choices revealed to me how much you wanted to be involved in the process. With your involvement you allowed me to consider aspects which helped me reflect more on what I was really looking for when I attended the open days. It was good to have someone that understood me and what I wanted, someone who let me know about the student satisfaction or course ratings for particular unis. In a way, it felt like you were sharing the experience with me, and at moments, taking a step back.

I don’t know whether because I had originally adopted this lazy attitude, this provoked you to take a more prominent role in my decision making, but looking back, without your support I think I would have left it too late. At times it did seem like you were the one who was applying for university. Your enthusiasm was extremely evident, and I enjoyed the fact that you were willing to come along, give your honest opinion and, most importantly, put up with my mini tantrums when I became indecisive about my uni choices.

Applying for universities has without a doubt been one of my most daunting experiences; I am quite dependent on outsider advice – just to ensure I’m not making rash decisions – and this is something you really provided me with. It didn’t feel like you were doing the work for me; nor did it feel that you left me on my own. I knew what I wanted but just needed that extra help with how to go about the process.

When I asked my friends if their parents had helped them with their uni choice, I got mixed answers. One of my friends claimed that her mum didn’t help her in any way at all. Not coming to open days and barely discussing university choices with her. My friend said that she “knew herself best” so didn’t need her parents’ help. But I can’t help but notice that this particular friend was the most indecisive about her university choices, swapping from unis out of London, into London, and even having moments of complete indecision. In contrast, many of my other friends said their parents had a degree of involvement. Little things like accompanying them to the universities opened the possibility of discussion about their options.

I wonder whether, if you had taken a more laid back approach, I would have made the same decisions that I have made already or – at the worst – a terrible decision that I would regret. I guess I will never know. For some people, it may seem a drag that their parents are willing to help them out, but hearing that some of my friends have had no support whatsoever from their parents makes me feel relatively lucky that you have been able to lend a hand. I feel like you have given a considerable amount of support, but not overloaded or spoon fed me.

Next

- Dear Mum & Dad: “I don’t feel in any way pressured by you to pick a certain university”

- Dear Mum & Dad: “Sometimes I feel like you could be more interested”